Communication Challeges

I work for a nonprofit origination that owns several elementary schools and child care centers.  Because these centers are considered part of this larger organization they are subject to the new health care mandates.  If our child care centers have to pay $970 per employee they will shut down in a month, but how do you cut employees to under 30 hours a week that have dedicated their time and devotion to our children?  How do I help business men to see or even care how having to hire several part time employees will cut down on the quality care given?   I’ve never been into politics but suddenly I have been thrown into this issue and have had to learn to communicate with those in the corporation that are not even aware of how this will affect our programs.  I started by creating an awareness of the value of these programs by showing pictures and sharing testimonials from parents.  I used the words “our programs.” To make sure I communicated that we are all on the same team.  I have learned that it also helps to tailor my communication to the person I am talking to.  In a conversation I had with the treasurer last week I cited research that showed 60% of all new enrollment in our elementary schools comes from our Early Childhood programs.  When I started talking percentages and money I was talking his language.  The idea of a “third side” has also really helped me recently and I was able to negotiate a possible solution that would help the corporation meet their needs while still meeting the needs of our employees.  I was able to take the passion I felt and direct it in a way that allowed me to be more objective.  We are meeting with a lawyer on Monday to look for possible solutions and will I know I will need to practice all of the new skills I am learning.  In the early childhood profession we must be advocates and requires skillful communication!

Who Am I As A Communicator?

In my Communication Anxiety test others rated me lower then I rated myself.  Although there are times when I am a bit uncomfortable, to those that evaluated me it is not noticeable.  In Verbal Aggressiveness I rated myself as having a good balance between speaking my thoughts while maintaining respect and consideration for others.  My colleague also evaluated me in that way but my family member rated me as significantly aggressive.  I think this surprised me the most because I don’t see myself that different in the way that I communicate at home.  I suppose that I am not as conscious of my communication when I am with family as I am when I am in the workplace. 

Two insights I gathers this week are: 

When communicating I can improve my perceptions by avoiding relying on first impressions.  I can resist taking the easy way out by avoiding communication based on these impressions and instead spend time really listening and going beyond the surface.

I need to be mindful not mindless when it comes to communication, even if it is with family.  Family relationships are a very important value to me and so I want to communicate effectively in this area as well as the work place.

Communicating With Others

I do communicate differently with people from other cultures.  One area that comes to mind particularly is the way that I communicate with those whose primary language is not English.  My desire is that I would understand them and that they would understand me, but recently my daughter pointed out that I communicate in a way that could be insulting.  Apparently I use fewer words, talk slowly and use a lot of hand gestures.  This was unconscious on my part and I realize that I could be making a big assumption that they don’t understand.  My daughter told me that they understand perfectly and I should talk normally.  Now that I am aware of my actions I can correct this.  

The other area that I notice requires adapting my communication is when it comes to physical touch.  I notice that some people are comfortable with touch and others seem to have a “bubble” around them.  The way people greet each other varies depending on their culture.  Some of my colleagues would be insulted if I didn’t greet them with a hug and some would be very offended if I did.  This is an area I have to adapt to by paying attention to body language.  If I notice the other person is stepping back then I know I may be standing too close to them.  I have to observe the body language with those that I don’t know well in order to gage their comfort. 

Three strategies to improve communication:   

1.  Being mindful of my own actions and the actions of others during communication is important.  I also need to make sure that I don’t jump to conclusions and ask questions and reflect to gage understanding.

2.  Recognize that different nonverbal behaviors mean different things.  Gonzalez-Mena  point out that we must expand our ability to pick up on silent messages and notice when others are uncomfortable. (2011).

3.  Developing appropriate knowledge is a very important step when learning about others. Gonzalez-Mena mentions several types of touch that would be offensive in certain cultures (2011).  I need to make sure that I know what some of these touches are and be ready to adjust my personal practice accordingly.  

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Without Sound-Family Matters Sit Com

Sound Off

This particular family was made up of a mother, father and a son.  The mother seemed to be the dominate person in the family.  She was always pointing at them and appeared to be bossing them around.  As the other family members talked to her, they seemed to watch her to see her reaction.  She would show her approval or disapproval by what appear to be yelling, shaking of her head, rolling her eyes and avoiding eye contact or looking away.  The other characters body language was more submissive, relaxed and they appeared to be talking quieter.  In one scene the father goes to the son’s room to talk to him.  He turns his chair to face the son and they are talking eye to eye.  They appear to be listening to each other.  At one point the son takes out a notepad and writes down what the father was saying.    

Sound on

 I assumed that the mother and father had a rocky relationship.  They did not make eye contact and the mother seemed to make angry or irritated facial expressions.  When I watched the show I realized I was incorrect because the mother was sarcastic and was not mad.  They were communicating through several inside jokes.  I was correct in that the mother had more of a domineering role and personality.   It would have been much easier if I had seen the show before because I would have known that this was supposed to be the funny part of the show.  Whenever she made what appeared to be a yelling or rude gesture she was actually making a sarcastic and funny remark.  The audience laughed but the family did not so I had no idea when I watched it with the sound off.  In the end the mother and father stick up for each other and say things that make the other feel as though they are on the same team.

A Communicator I Admire

The first person that comes to mind when I think of competent communication is my coworker.  She is the most authentic person I know.  When she communicates she is being very honest and this honesty makes her vulnerable.  Because she makes her self vulnerable it makes me want to respond with vulnerability.  I have noticed people come to her and tell her things that normally would not be shared with anyone else.  She creates an atmosphere of trust in this way.  I have also observed that she often reflects what people are saying by restating it.  She listens well and nods making eye contact and often says tell me more about that.  She doesn’t just jump in to “solve” the problem but rather focuses on identifying the real issue.  I would want to model some of my communication behaviors after her because they are very effective and communicating love and respect.  Those are important values of mine and I believe I can learn from observing her methods.